I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
