My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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