He kissed a someone with a penis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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