all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize