That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
