your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
