I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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