I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
