This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
