I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
