i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
