she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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