imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
