Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
