The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
