He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
