Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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