You just made me feel so damn special
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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