So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
