just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize