You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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