I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
