don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
