Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
