so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
