i permit you to call me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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