Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
