So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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