just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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