Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
