nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
