I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
