The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
