he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
