tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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