if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
honey bunches of taint.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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