um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
