Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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