That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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