he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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