He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
