Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
