Please, let me fuck your mom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
