hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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