You really coming over, don't trick.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize