My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize