The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize