Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
