So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
