Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
