You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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