That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
