when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize