Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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