4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
