exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
