I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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