Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
