Im at strip club and am horny
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
