Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
