you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
