Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
