okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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