I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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