He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
