Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
