Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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