He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
