seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
