I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
